Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Wise behind me

Like a patch of baldness
reality unveils in the hind side.
To know real things about oneself
ask the wise behind you

Now it is time to look back.(Though it is stylish to say otherwise-'there is no looking back').Every thought has its own history.Thus looking back is also another way of looking.Another way of seeing.
How did I know about a thing called 'blog'.It is an article about some blog....I can remember the name 'river bent'.So there might have been a thought related to that.(like history, there is no linearity in thoughts.Truth is,'we' like linearity and order.I am not sure whether history is essentially a retrospective tale of linear events.Reality,for sure is not a conveyor belt full of clues leading to meaningful events....)
I was alone.Only on weekends I could go to my in-law's house and see my baby and wife.Though I was living in the same house,nothing looked as it were.i mean..everything was the same.But every day after work,when i came back from work nothing was there in that house.She has taken everything and gone.The tables,chairs,books..everything looked same.But they were not there.They had followed her as  if she was their nursery school teacher.She owned the soul of that house.For the rest of the three months,I had to to do something.Then blog came.
I realised, when left alone,I was a confused soul.A package of questions.A questionnaire.
I was new to English.Though I had spent some years outside this country,my language had its limitations.Thoughts when edited looked attractive,but lacked sincerity.So I decided to write without editing.
I started to write about what I saw directly. When I looked out of my office room window,it was  raining and I wrote about it.That was interesting.There was a 'Jiddu Krishnamurthy influence' in it.I have been reading him from 10th standard onward.Even before that I read a few articles about Henry David Thoroe.Then I read Walden which was another major influence.Jiddu's commentaries on living was a major source of influence.I used to write such notes mimicking him.It was my personal notes.I could see my every day thoughts at the end of the day.It was also a very good way of de-constructing oneself which i understood from  my 'post-modernist' friends.
The idea of a 'painting seeing the world' came to me when i saw a handicapped man sitting in front of his house.I was walking to the bus stop.For the rest of the day,I thought about him.Then it suddenly occurred to me, that we are all like him.So I wanted to do a story on it.
As I already told,this was a test run.I tried many names.'me','smile' etc.Even the "keyboardsculpturer" was a mistake.One of my best friends in this blog world later corrected me.Then only I knew about it.Then i understood the value of errors.It corrects you a lot.Also they are the lost keys to unknown worlds.Somebody called the writer 'man in painting'.A new name was born.
Nobody was reading my posts.Then I forced some of my colleagues to read it. As it was boring and was in contrast with the character that what I am in the practical world ,nobody really appreciated it.Then I started marketing myself.I went door to door.I read every blog.Gave good comments and invited them to read my blog. I posted in the social network groups.Every body returned their favours by giving good comments about the posts.So this is it.
Still I kept on posting.The bad English in it created certain patterns which was interesting.Somebody liked it. Somebody doesn't.Somebody mocked it.Somebody said it was great.Somebody said it was pseudo-intellectual.Some body asked who i am.
Now when I look back, these different comments are the most valuable asset this blog has generated .It is not said because it will yield any result.There is no future for this, nor is it going to end.Very few read it now, because it is not a result of hard labour or supreme quality.It is casual work.But for the writer it had yielded him like anything.It had taught him about fiction and reality.Like 'man in painting' I am also both.Real and fiction.Every moment I have to be aware of this balance.The balance that I have to maintain while walking over the 'tight rope'.
these are simple keep anything simple you have to leave it as it is.Because the writer is recording his thoughts it is not permenant.At that time itself I knew that things will change. and...
Things have changed . a lot.I was a teacher while I started writing this.Now i am a student.I was a doctor who wasn't practicing.I may or may not practice in future .But I will share what I know about healing.
What about me.The practical me is ordinary.Conservative.Funny.Useless.Contradictory.Penny less.It is always better to leave it as it is.
At least for this time and space, who am I?
I am Man In Painting.
the most hopeless practical idea still wins.Most people who know me really often ask me this.Of all the activities you have done will this make a difference?
How much did you earn ?
The answer is obvious .Money is the most unreal real thing. People rate you based on how much you control because money means control.
People tell me I might have made money out of this space.Some body might have.Who knows. who bothers.
I have achieved what it was most important.
 ignoring the unimportant.
Before leaving I want to tell you that these were the wise men behind me.I thank you all for being my teachers.
people who invented and designed this possibility called blog
Rakesh Vanamali
Devika Jyothi
Tuna fish
Old monk
Amateur writer
A.J Johnson
The wandering Gypsy
Brocas area
Winnie the poohi
Sameera and many many more....
Take Care


Devika Jyothi said...

Be well MIP, do not leave once for i don't think words can communicate the understanding we develop over the course of time as writers and readers. If any word of mine had hurt you at anytime, please pardon was perhaps me gaining a control over my own self in a strange/illusive world...and a freedom i sometimes take with whom i consider my friends,

as you reengage with the world with your renewed perspectives, you again will feel the need to write...that's what i have felt...and if and when you would feel so, blogs are good medium to communicate,

above all it is once's well, convey my love and regards to your family,


Devika Jyothi said...

this was very heartfelt and a pleasant read, you should write MIP :)

man in painting said...

dear devika,
the post was direct from my was your reply.i have always felt that i have known many of you all earlier.even before we start communicating through this never mean that we have met in reality.nor will we meet.but in another plane we have really met and communicated..none of your comments have ever hurt me.i have always understood the concerns you had about me and my writings.I have taken it as if it was from someone who was a part of my family..after all this is also a family
but i will stop writing now.
it was only a test run
a litmus test
all our love and wishes to you and your family,especially from B
take care

Tall Guy said...

Reading your post made me wonder your thoughts into this post.

Hope this is not a good bye post as it sounds like. Saw more words in this post than anyone before :)

man in painting said...

dearest tall guy,
;)of course,there were more words.i am not sure about the next moment.but for now as you said, it is a good bye moment.i want to comeback to this space as a i want to leave it.see the fossils of my own thoughts..thanks
take care

Devika Jyothi said...

that was so kind a reply, MIP...I have always wondered why people leave after a while...but as we get into writing in the true sense we come to know - if it is not fiction, it is important to write what is important to be written - - seen that way, i have seen that my writings have come again, be well, he happy...convey my regards and specially my love to B...yeah, we are a family of friends with the same interests -- words/poetry or painting or music or just the thoughts that connect,

as said, it is your choice - but would love to see you around as a writer,


Rakesh Vanamali said...

My dear MIP

They say it is destiny that makes people come to know one another and that there is certainly a purpose in knowing one another - a larger unexplained purpose that is much bigger than any material, physical, idea-bound or for that matter even a spiritual aspect. Human beings, i believe, are intertwined deeply, woven together as one in a large tapestry.

Today, as i remember those years when you were are regular blogger, i also fondly remember the cheer that your posts brought to me, the intrigue with which i read them and the marvel with which i celebrated them, every one of them!

Your space is such a unique gem that one keeps revisiting it from time to time, associating one's own life with those brilliant writes which can only be the creation of such a special and gifted mind.

And for a seeker such as i, there are so many answers and perspectives i find as i leaf through your magnificent space, which in many ways has become my book for answers and reasons.

I know that i cannot stop you from going, but may i, with all humility, request you not to go away, please?


man in painting said...

Dearest Rakesh,
It is simple and straight to know what is the feeling you make on others,because we are nothing but 'other people's reactions.I am happy that i made you happy.The blog served its purpose.In the very practical sense,I am not a 'successful person'.So the compliments you gave me are very very valuable for me.I will cherish it for long. There are very few who believe me.One is my baby girl.I am happy to know there are more.
This blog too an immediate reaction of something I felt real in my life.The birth of my baby girl.So there might be some true things in it.Who knows?Truth will never fade.(if it is true).
World likes to get entertained.This was entertaining for me.It was never about anything serious.everything was half boiled or raw, trying to keep the vitamins and minerals:)The four liners were fun and easy.half an hour will it last.just for some seconds.
Creativity is beyond writing.It is when you smile to a total stranger.It is there in thanking a bus conductor.It is when you do nothing and listen to someone who needs your silence.It, as you rightly said, is about reactions.
let the reaction remain.
the reaction called rakesh vanamali is positive,pleasant and valuable for me
it will remain.
if possible please convey my thanks to all our old blogger friends.

take care.