during calm hours,
before a twister,
an exodus of ants
try to cross
a hissing proboscis..
sad,real and tragic.
poetic possibilities.
surreal soup for souls...
but
i switched off the vaccum cleaner and waited till they cross.
boring and non rhyming,
this poem is declared dead.
family reach anthill
'thou shall never kill'.
40 comments:
Hats off to you.....for switching off the vaccum cleaner...for that kindness and patience...I wish these qualities still existed.
MIP,
Profound but simple, as usual.
But I am sorry to confess that I do kill. Time, that is. And a lot of it too.
Keep them coming.
Cheers,
Salil
LOL! that was funny.. it started as surreal write and ended in humor.. lovely!
Yeah!!! I did imagine MIP with a vacuum cleaner, and then decided to shut it off.. But If I can take liberty, The poem is full of life...
simple and v good messge!!:)
I loved this one, MIP
when messages are conveyed it doesn't matter whether it rhymes or not...and this message should never die :)
I used to kill, and then i read about Tagore, who would spent hours to gently save an ant that would get caught in his long curly beard....and thereafter I stopped all intentional killings...
But, Mosquitoes get a beating....i don't look whether they die or not....especially when i am immersed in reading! :)
wishes,
devika
Just a question. Shdnt it be "thou shall never kill"?
twister/hissing proboscis... Whoa! Never came close to imagining a vacuum cleaner! Awefreakinsome!
Peace. Have a nice weekend.
Profound guise?
The patience or the curiosity?
The ants or the heart bugs?
wow.. very well written!
This is different from what you usual dole out.
You will soon find your house infested with ants and cockroaches if you choose not to kill them :)
Wow new stuff in the same MIP style coming thru...lets hope 'thy shall not kill' rule is follwed at all levels.
hehe nice one :)
You are a shining example of true power! And do you know what true power is? let me explain..... true power is knowing that you can, but not doing it!
Hats off to people like you!
WOW!!!
u have a real different style MIP... love it :)
Nice one MIP!!!!cho chweet of u!!!
Just finished reading A Thousand Spendid Suns..
And your poem came as a stark contrast to the poignant tale of torment on already harried human souls.
It's the God within us which comes out as Goodness.Aint it...
Sighing...
Ashen
:) nice...made me smile..
a solid message indeed
nice strong message in this simple writen poem...
only a few will have the heart to think of switching off the vacuum cleaner...
loved it a lot:D
ps- circumstances forces people to kill:)
ahh.. awesome awesome, and awesome.. in love with your poems, am blof rolling u :)
beautiful! this shows me who well u observed!
Wow, what a twist.
I almost gasped.
MIP,
enjoyed reading this...but really difficult to implement!
short,stark reality poem this...not at all declared dead!
each thought dances a different dance...
each poem builds a new bridge...
thou shall never kill...
really nice dude :p..think the ants will be singing this except going to the anthill might hurt them a lil!!
LOL !!
LOved it !!
hissing proboscis... i loved that :)
A very experiential poem with an interpersonal touch!
OH WOW!!!
Damn i missed ya... n now i know why
gr8 work as ever :)
Hey MIP,
I've moved to http://www.shantanuadhicary.com/blog
u r so patient, kind and caring!!
Keshi.
I had no doubts, ur truly "SAINTLY" :D
a unique mix of conflict of nature with technology.. one suck would have been enough to kill what you have called 'a family'..
Ah!... I see a halo forming over your head :) and an award by maneka gandhi ;) but on a serious note so nice of you to feel towards all living things- size doesn't matter!
So the twister is the vacuum cleaner.. u kind enough to spare them...
Poetry directory
In one word ..classic..
Lessons and stories in this one!
I do this sometimes, when I have time to kill, else ... :(
As always, the words pack a punch, and as always they come dressed in some superb metaphor and surreal imagery :)
A strong message here. A different take expressed differently as well. Nice job!!!
:) Do you seriously think that a poem has to be rhyming to be alive ?! It should have emotions ...
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